Yesterday I did a show in West Virgina in a little town called Moorefield which is nestled in between the mountains. The show was outside in the town park and it was beautiful. Moorefield is nice place but being surrounded by mountains, it’s a little hard to get to and when you don’t know where you’re going that’s an understatment.

Now I had a map and it’s not that I got lost it’s just that googlemaps and Rand McNally don’t bother to tell you that a road is shaped like a drunken snake and has so many ups and downs that it shouldn’t be driven by anyone at anytime for any reason. The trip I thought would take about an hour or more took over two and a half.

When I got there I talked to the people running the event and they told me that the other highway (which was the longer route) would have saved me at least 30 minutes and the dizzy head I had all day. Oh well. Live, learn and always check with locals.

I was with a friend the other day and we were talking about jokes, mainly of the bad variety. Not dirty, just dumb. Of course I have the upper hand in a conversation on this topic because I am aquainted with the one and only Dr. Kickbutt, master of the groaning audience.  Anyway this friend, let’s call him Jon, because that’s his name, told me he had the start to a joke and couldn’t come up with a punch line. The line was, “How many clowns does it take to screw in a light bulb?” The first response was, “Did you come up with that line all by yourself?” But after I thought about I did have a hard time coming up with a good punchline, or least one that’s good enough for my nephew who has told a lot of groaners and a lot more that make no sense at all.  I did come up with this answer. 25, because it’s the one all the way in the back of the car that has the new bulb.

What’s that you say? You don’t think it’s funny? Well I don’t think it’s gold but it was the best I could come up with. If you have a better answer to the question, How many clowns does it take to screw in a light bulb? I’d love to hear it. Happy joke hunting, let me know if you find anything.

Miller

I got an E-mail the other day from a guy in Austria. Here’s what he said, keep in mind I copied it word for word and English is probably not his first language.

Dear Miller and Mike,
my name is Gregor and i am from austria, europa (NOT AUSTRALIA). My father
showed me your Banana gag and we both found it funny and also very fascinating. My
father, who is an hobbymagician, has birthday in a few weeks and i want to do some
kind of same trick like you two perform. Now to my question: do you really eat that
many bananas?? I hope (and also think) not, but actually i don´t know. So please
tell me this littel secret is it a trick banana or any other kind of illusion?
Thank you for your answer and go on performing great shows like that!
Greetings from Austria
Gregor

I thought about telling him that if he looks closely He can see Mike hid each banana in a secret compartment in the handkerchief. Or maybe tell him that they all end up behind his tie. But for the sake of international relations I just couldn’t do that to the poor guy. I sent him this reply.

Gregor,
Thanks for watching and I'm glad you liked it. Mike and I don't do much
magic but the small bit that I do know about magic can be summed up like
this, the simplest answer is the right one. Mike eats every one of those
bananas. It's a comedy act, not an illusion. We performed that act on a
cruise ship and there we did 2 shows a night, that was fun for me. Luckily
for me I have talent for the ukulele, unluckily for Mike he has a talent
for bananas.
Leave 'em Laughing,
Otis Miller

By the way if you don’t know what we’re talking about you should go to the gallery and watch the banana video. Have fun.

Miller

Today is the official Miller & Mike day to fight autism. This morning Mike and I worked the crowd at the Fox Cities Walk for Autism event for the third year in a row. The rain held off just long enough for another great event and it was a record crowd. The racing sausages from Miller Park were there and Mike couldn’t pass up the chance to get his picture taken with them. A big thanks to Joan Bayer, Julie Worzala and other couple of hundred people who came out to walk.

If you missed that one and still want to help fight autism then come out to the Harmony Cafe in downtown Appleton tonight at 6pm. Mike and I are putting on another show the same day to help the autistic. Dr. Kickbutt will take the stage, Miller & Mike will be there and it’s all for a great cause. If you missed both events and still want to help go to www.friendsofautism.org.

Miller

The more birthday wishes you have the more you wish you didn’t have so many birthdays. Today, April 16th is Mike Lorenz’s birthday. I will spare him by not mentioning the year, besides it will date me just as much as him. Why you ask? Yesterday, April 15th was my birthday and more than that we where born in the same year. That’s right! I’m older and wiser but only by a day. Cuteness is still under debate. If you see Mike today wish him a happy birthday.

Miller

Maybe I’m jumping ahead a little but summer is on it’s way and I can’t wait. Mike and I have some great stuff coming up for the summer. So far we know we’ll be at the libraries in Watertown, Rhinelander, De Pere and Green Bay. You can also catch us at the Outagamie County Fair and the Tallship Festival. There will be some transformation shows and if you need a good vacation we’ll be at the Quietwoods South Camping Resort for the first time this July.

So pull out the sunglasses and polish of your frisbee because summer is on it’s way and I’m getting ready.

Miller

Last week I was messing around on Facebook and looking at my grocery list I decided my status should be, “Tim Otis Miller has completely run out of paper towels.” I didn’t think much of it but it got lots of comments and interest, go figure. One of the comments was, “Is that the absorbant material on a roll I keep hearing so much about.” The first time I read this I had that “What was that feeling.” The feeling you get when you can’t quite remember the name of the movie you’re thinking of. It’s on the tip of your tongue but it’s just not there. That’s how I felt, I knew I should recognize that phrase but I just couldn’t come up with it. Luckily my wife was there when I read it so I showed it to her and she starts laughing, she got it right away. It was killing me so I had to ask, “What is that from?” She gives me a crazy look and says, “That’s from the Miller & Mike show.” I felt like an idiot. Sure enough that’s a joke Mike wrote for a show we did in Green Bay in Jan. of 2005. Good thing my wife has a better memory than me.

Miller

Yet another fantastic photo from winter quarters 2002 when Mike and I helped to put together the 133rd of the Ringling Bros Circus. Mike and I are dressed like doctors for a one shot joke in the fitness gag, that means we came in got our one laugh and left.

It went like this, a muscle man was trying to lift free weights that were too heavy for him so he falls over in pain. Mike and I rush in dressed as doctors with a strecher, instead of taking the man we put the weights on the strecher and rush out. The fitness gag stayed in the show but the joke did not.

When it was all over my part was a clown in an aerobics class and Mike was the leather man in a clown version of the village people. I guess you had to be there.

Miller

Miller & Mike can cure what ails you.

Last tuesday I had a gig with Dr. Kickbutt in Oshkosh to play music at a retirement home for a Christmas party. The gig was booked several weeks ago for a start time I thought was 1:00pm and the people organizing the party thought was 1:30pm. Not a big deal but when I showed up at noon to get ready, the director of the retirement home thought I was really early and for a 1:30 start time she was right. I told her we can do a 1:30 show without a problem and I called the doctor to tell him the show was pushed back a half hour. He had to do some switching around but said he could do it.

Fast forward to 1:05pm. Everything was just about set up, but no sign of the doctor could be found and that’s late even for him. I get a call from him and he tells me he’s circling the building try to find the entrance and looking for a place to park. I frantically tell him he better hurry because it turns out the start time is 1:00pm and not 1:30 like I told him earlier. The director heard me, comes running over and says, “No, no, the show is at 1:30.” I covered the phone and said in calm voice, “I know.”

It was great, the doctor starts going off on instruments, set lists and running across the parking lot. The director was laughing and I just listened to the doctor go on and on.

I only let him sweat for a minute and at 1:30 sharp we played a great show full of punch and cookies and ending with Santa and a very fun version of Jingle Bells.

Merry Christmas,

Miller

I don’t know about you but I spent many hours this week digging out my sidewalk, driveway and car. In light of that I found a picture with warm weather, palm trees, sunglasses and everybody’s favorite zebu, Gandi.

While putting together the 133rd edition of the Ringling Bros. and Barnum & Bailey Circus in December of 2002 I was paired up with with the zebu seen below. His name is Gandi and we walked together in the opening parade for two years. In all that time I never heard him say anything, I think Gandi is a mute zebu. He was such a funny little cow I had to have a picture.  For those who don’t know a zebu is an asiatic ox, I had to look that up so I knew what was on the other end of my leash.  Gandi is a minature one, he is almost full grown in this picture. Gandi’s best feature is his hump, next to my hand. The best tricks I taught Gandi were to stand and twitch.

If you look close at this picture you can see camels and zebras in the background. If you look real close you can see the back feet of a brown lama. If you look real, real close you can see me starting to go bald.

Miller & Gandi (Miller is on the left)

Miller